Nature

On Friday, I took a bus from Mumbai to Ahmedabad. I got stuck in a traffic jam on a highway which lasted for well over three hours and the entire journey took fifteen hours instead of the normal nine. It ended up being a complete pain.

However before it went all wrong and while there was till light, the scenery was beautiful. Immediately after one leaves Mumbai, the lush green forests of the tip of the western ghats are all around. It has been raining heavily all over western India over the last four-five days and the might and flow of the streams was awe inspiring and beautiful. Beautiful in the way all things in health are. And then there were mountains. For a man, who has lived in the plains all his life in one or another part of the country, mountains will always be a thing of beauty and joy. I saw the sea the same day. Not the same beauty, not the same joy. Not the same heartstrings.

On a completely different note, talk of two books. Catcher in the Rye is a book I read quite late in life. I mean its a book for seventeen year olds, I read it when I was twenty two. Could empathesize with it in a way that i hadnt with any other book. And I also knew why. It touched the romantic in me. The other book is Fountain Head. I know its the favorite of a large number of people, perhaps more than any other book. I think its again due to the simplistic romance of the book. I read the book, earlier than most people. I was in standard nine when i read the book and for almost four years it was my bible, koran and gita rolled into one. I must have read the book atleast seven to eight times. As I grew up I realized that the book was rather simplistic in its interpretation of reality. Or was i being suckered into life just like people like Peter keating?

Lastly, my reading, all my life has had no pattern and now almost no existence. Its dead.

Tough times

Emotionally things have always been difficult for me. A short fuse means that blow ups are frequent. However, mostly there's very little powder behind the fuse. I don't know what to do. Decision making despite all the education hasn't become any easier at all. And about the only place where things have been straight forward for me has been education. Of course, its no mean grace but human beings are greedy organisms.

When I was truly angry

However anger does not mitigate the truisms in any way.

1. A girl might be interested in you, she will visit your orkut profile 4 days in a row, you can catch her looking at you n times if you two happen to live on the same campus but the image of mother Mary, all modesty and virgintiy, will never make a move. All right., you, being the guy- the initiator of the species, go upto her and say Hello or write a scrap. Now the lady would play all cool, cool and confident in the knowledge that the game has been poached.

2. Ok, now you are on talking terms with a girl. Good, excellent. No, far from it. You are a suspect for being a serial molester and rapist. So what if you have good credentials, an egineering degree from one of the best colleges in the country, are studying in the best b school in the country. All that is very good, but so what, you criminal. And then the same girls get conned by the most stupid of con artists and get filmed on MMS videos, half naked and sucking some dirty dick.

3. Still you trudge on, valiant idiot that you are. She gives you hints that she would want to meet you; never actually saying anything mind you. Was Mother Mary dumb? I do not know but her present day incarnations sure are, in more ways than one. At least when they should be saying something sensible. Otherwise everyone of them claims to be chatterbox and then subsequently go on to prove he claim. So what do you ? You ask her out, right. And will she agree on the first occasion? A fat chance she will. She will give you excuses that will make your neighbours blood boil. It is so humiliating to be considered gullible enough to fall for such sorry excuses for an excuse.Only if you entreat and cajole in ever innovative ways, around a thousand times approximately, is there any chance of her agreeing.

4. So, you meet, one, twice, thrice. You tend to believe in all the romantic movies you have watched and the romantic novels you have read and treat her accordingly. Caring and gentle and considerate. In return you will be treated like bovine excreta. There you go.

5. Two things. The only thing that Manmohan Singh couldn't liberalize is the mindset of Indian girl. No, not quite, I rather think that its a liberization exercise gone heavily wrong. So our girls have started dressing radically and want to romance. But they want to romance with a perfect hedge to guard against any downside. But like any other hedge, the upside goes with the downside or you pay upfront for the option to get the upside. So all the sponatniety, charm and romance goes out of the window and two young adults are left with trying to salvage what is essentially a 'nipped in the bud' relationship. Second, women want men to be caring and considerate. I think by caring and consideration, women mean the behaviour they exhibit when they see a cute puppy. At least, thats what I have felt womanly care and consideration to be. They have no conception of what true consideration is, of guaging the other person's thoughts and feelings and being careful not to trod upon them with fish toe heeled shoes. But, then again, dogs and puppies don't think. They are happy with women and women are happy with them.

Monsoon is the best season in India. Summers are excrusiating, winters mild and unremarkable, while spring disappears before you can say spring. Monsoon defines India. The season has romance. The breeze is cool and strong, and rains are always welcome. Alas, this time around I haven't been able to enjoy monsoons at all due to my ankle injury. And to think of it, this might be my last monsoons for some time to come. What a thought! But other countries would have their own special seasons. South east Asia also has its monsoons. Can they also tug as strongly on the heart strings?

I have always suffered from a propensity to over analyze. Given sufficient time, i can analyze anything ad nauseam. Why? I don't know. Thats not a good enough answer though. May be because I don't like uncertainty.

Another thing, people don't believe me. The general perception is that there's always more about me than what meets the eye. I have no idea where this comes from. In the begiining, this aura of cleverness was mildy ego-boosting but now its become a crisis. The constant knowledge that people suspect that you are not being your true self is both amusing and worrisome. Amusing because its so far from truth. Worrisome because it clearly points to a personality trait, since so many people think the same, including my parents, I suspect. Add to it the fact that I, on mu part, am very gullible. Perfect combo.

This is how my intro on orkut has changed over time:

December 9, 2004, 2:00 A.M. Like to live life in terms of experiences and not in terms of points to be reached and reached. Am at peace with my deficiencies and would like to believe that I have grown out of my insecurities. Like to look for beauty and sweetness in life and believe me the quest hasnt been very easy so far.

March 25, 2006: Floater has ceased to be a descriptor for me. Ambition is the flavour of the season. But then, growing older by the day, my creaky limbs and weak eyes seek rest.
Use orkut as a means of looking into other people's lives (through scraps and pics) without inconveniencing them.

July 3, 2006. I am experiencing hitherto undiscovered levels of listlessness. I fear I am stagnating.

Beginning again

It's been almost an year since I wrote on this blog, or anywhere else for that matter except for coursework. for the last one year I was in the first year of the most gruelling b-school education atleast in India. Worked harder than I had ever done before, and did not give up inspite of two significant setbacks. Am proud of how i worked over the last year, not of anything that I achieved (which wasn't much), but how I worked, hard. Now it wasn't as much as some people, but I had always been lazy. And I think I have overcome that laziness now. There is defintely a sense of achievement.

The downside of it was that for one year, my life was in a way, suspended. There was one overwhleming theme and anything that made to push me away from the theme was brusquely put away, for fear that it might make me waver, might make me stop. I do not know whether what I did or what I would do for a few more years are correct. But I have taken a decision not to rethink everyday (something that was a habit of mine in IIT days), but to work on a decision and see how things pan out. Be a little patient.

In three hours I am leaving for Chennai to do my summer internship. Have to pack my comp anytime now.

For future House secretaries of Karakoram

I don't think this is an appropriate forum for what is to follow but I have been reading a blog on IIT politics. besides I think the broad guidelines remain true for most public offices in essence.

I hope Tejram is reading this because criticism is often more useful for self improvement than any praise. I think a house secretary has two duties. First, to lead the hostel in the quest of trophies. This work is more in the lines of planning and pushing people than working oneself and as such does not require any special talents. I hope future house secretaries would not neglect this duty of theirs coz it is winning trophies that ultimately earns respect for the hostel apart from the good conduct of its residents. The second duty is of managing the institute elections and I dont think I am equiped to comment on that. However a point about selection of candidates at the hostel level. I think candidates should be selected on the basis of his commitment to the hostel cause, hostel's performance in the concerned activity and the candidate's role in it, and finally the overall suitability of the candidate for the post. Finally a House secreatry is the leader of the house and not only of the faction which supported him in the lections. All are his and he is everybody's. Bias should be especially avoided.

Drama, painting, and movies

Lots of people really admire Drama while I cannot see the purpose of it after the advent of cinema. In times gone by, when there was no motion pictureand people wanted stories to acted out (like action songs) drama had its purpose. It entertained people, it still does. However, motion pictures, where retakes are allowed so that each scene can be perfected, which has a thousand techniques in its hands to perfect the visual experience; should have by now, a century after its advent have wiped out drama completely. yet we see everybody around clamouring to act in and watch drama.

Similar is the case with painting. Painting originated, I read somewhere, because people wanted to get their portraits done. They perhaps wanted to record how they looked like at certain points of time. Then it diversified to scenes and to religious motifs. Interestingly paintings in caves were almost always of scenes and very rarely of individuals and I have certainly never heard of a cave portrait. However, then came photography about 150 years back and suddenly every face and scene could be recorded much more precisely. However painting sill flourished and is exorbitantly expensive. Furthur it has taken a form by name of modern art that very few of us can begin to understand. Why? Perhaps arts which have lost their original purpose survive because people appreciate them as special endeavours and enjoy them with an "acquired taste". I don't really know haven't yet developed the faculty.

The kind of movies I watch should make any self respecting person cry out in disgust. These movies are typical boy meets girl, one of them has a problem and then they solve it together and live happily ever after. And these movies have to Hollywood. Reading other people's blogs containing movie reviews I wonder.

maddu you should know that I am not a "chakka" anymore. You are the last remaining holder of that title in company of that bhakt of yours Das (how apt).

BLACK I

Yes, the biggest news personally is that I have calls from all six IIMs. Finally something to be pleased about personally. i am once again going with the flow and doing things because they are the thing to do by popular wisdom but it seems that fate is also playing a hand here. Not that it (fate ) is something whose origin, form or end results are known to me but still it feels like the right thing to say. Rambling has its own pleasures with hardly any side effects except for a truer estimation of the protagonist by the general populace.

There were two thing that saddened what was personally a very pleasant fortnight with family and good news. One became news, the Tsunami, enough web space has been given to its coverage and commentary. I also met a twelve year (just a guess, no one knows her age) old girl who has no parents, had kalazar when she was younger which went untreated and she is going to die. And she knows it. Personal exposure was much more distressing than world wide news. I would like to help her but how.

Last summer (seems to be a long time back ) I inerned in an NGO in Almora, Uttaranchal. I must say it was the purest, most fulfilling month of my life. It makes me smile whenever I recall it. NOt that I did any noble work but that I was among special people the purities of whose lives was elevating. The main guy in the NGO is an IITD (makes me happy) Mechanical BTech and an MIT PhD. I wish someday I can attain that purity.

I think Anant http://anant1.blogspot.com/should start writing again. He is just plain lazy. I read Arnav's bloghttp://thelosthighway.blogdrive.com/ and he is great.

Love is the answer, and we know it

Apparently John Lennon said (the title) that but I didn’t hear him say that. I heard it in the “Four weddings and a funeral” and I think I agree (not arguing for and against may spoil the fun for the argumentatively minded but it remains that way). Reading somebody’s post finally enlightened me as to what a blog is supposed to be and I really liked the idea of letting go. Letting go of what was a completely different question and I must say it took me quite a while to figure out and I am not quite sure I have got it right anyway. I once promised myself and others (I flatter myself: others read my blog) that I would be blogging once a week. That I think would remain a dream. Somebody told me I am predictable, I wonder if anybody can be.

For a long time I tried to delude myself into thinking that love and companionship (oh! I love these phrases from classical English texts) are not as important as career. It seems that I was incorrect. I have been watching Hollywood romantic comedies a lot this past semester and they have made one distinct impression. It seems the right thing to do is to say it when you feel it. The whole thing may seem as out worldly as anything conceivably can, but what the heck. The lady in question might have hordes of admirers while you might struggle to produce even detesters. She might speak fluent French while you struggle between ‘compulsion’ and ‘desperation’. The only question worth asking and answering is, “Do you love her?”

To the lady in question I would say, “You might have a lot of things to consider. You might believe that you have the family to answer, a career to make, whatever.” Believe that the guy has said what he has said because he means it. Again the only question worth asking and answering is, “Do you love him?”

Otherwise a life time would be spent asking oneself “what if’s”. Nothing can be sadder than that. There is a word of caution however and that is that the one question that needs to be considered should be considered with all possible sincerity.

It has often been remarked that I have an infinite capacity for sermonizing and I think I have proved it once again. However this is a blog and I can let go of myself, right :d.

Aside: Is it possible to, in real life, say the same thing twice with equal effect or better still can one better once delivery by practice? In make believe, in plays and movies, it is known to be possible but I suspect something of the spontaneity is taken away when bad actors try to rehearse what they are going to say.

Dining under spotlights

I have decided to make this blog of mine a weekly endeavour, mainly because it is only in a week's time that a blogful of writable ( I don't think 'writable' is quite correct, but then I don't particularly care to be correct) events befall me. On thursday I went to a new restaurent here in Delhi with my friends on the proprietor's invitation who happened to be a friend's ( ranaji for the knowledgeable) cousin. The name of the restaurent is 'Days of the Raj' and it seeks to bring to us, modern day uncouth Delhites, the fusion cuisine of the British in India. The food is very original, tastes good, the rates are higher than Punjabi by Nature. The service is eager and the decor is classy. Overall a good place if you have the money. However, publicity of the place is not my intention, rather the publicity of myself. Why I am writing about the place at all is that we were eating, so to say, 'in the spotlight'. It transpired that a television crew had come to report on the place and there were glaring lights everywhere. There was a suitably pan-caked reporter, some very technical looking crew, a television van downstairs and plenty of equipment in the restaurent itself. The reporter memorised her lines for 10 minutes and in about 90 seconds in three go's presented a 'complete picture' to the 'curious' masses. As to my experience, I was conscious of not staring into the camera when it turned towards us and eating with propah table manners (Do we have smileys on blogs? Why don't we? I think they should be made a part of the language. They improve communication so much.).

There is a sports fest going on in my college and for the first time, after five years of attending fests I understood why people like fests. People forget their worries and get sucked in to surrounding gaiety in a kind of suspended reality. it happened to me yesterday and I must say that for three hours last evening I had the best time in many many weeks (since this blog is to be a weekly thing, time, on this blog would be measured in weeks unless it becomes excessively tedious, which basically means that we won't be using one-seventh of a week ago for yesterday.). And this when I wasn't playing but only watching. Granted a part of the spectacle was girl's basketball but I also enjoyed men's football (seriously and no comments on my sexuality, I am straight and in more than one manners of speaking.).

I finished reading the book, 'The name of the Rose', during the week. Nice book. The story is well told and in a very interesting story are woven many important points which the author wanted to make. It is a multi-murder mystery on the surface, with the intrigues of the middle age christian church as the background. The main protagonist is a light of reason in a world in the grips of darkness where the majority believe that all that was good is gone and the world only awaits its end and so nothing more is to be done! Somebody said that its very similar to that current rage, 'Da vinci Code' but I haven't read 'Da vinci Code'.

Until next week, bye.

In the past few months I have been regularly urged by various men and forced by one to read various blogs. I don't yet understand the utility of blogs but have started blogging lest I miss an important socio-cultural phenomena of my times. Which makes me wonder. What percentage of our actions are dictated by the logic , "Everyone does it"?

I was trying to think of a tone for my blogs. As in most things I am undecided. There are too many things. Project, job search, MBA entrance exams preparation, things imperative to final year undergrad education at IIT.

I saw a flower fall from a tree right outside my hostel room window today. This is a champa (Plumera alba) tree, and champa flowers are divinely fragrant. It is nothing special but its the first time I noticed. the fall was simple, very quite. It was not caused by a gust of wind, there wasn't even a breeze. And no bird had flown off or settled onto the tree. There was no rain and the october sun in Delhi is unusally mellow this time around. simply the flowers time had come. My time too has come, it seems, to get away from IIT, I no longer find joy in the various events of IIT life and wish to get away even in the knowledge that most who go away wish they never had to.

I have been reading a book, 'The Name of the Rose' by Umberto Eco. I have often heard vaguely about the dark ages in europe when there was no learning, a great deal of superstition, fights between the church and kings, inquisitions. It is the first time that I have come across a novel that is set in the dark ages. It fleshes out the vague impressions. Another thing, the book doesn't feel like it has been written in the late twentieth century. The descriptions are so long, the language is winding. A church entrace is described in four pages. It seems more like a victorian novel. I am enjoying it thouroughly though. More about it when I finish.

This would be it for my first post. To Anant who has forced me into, what Mann has just called an extremely "vela" activity.

Achal