As thoughts flow through

Taking stock of life gives the feeling of being in control.
Being in control gives a feeling of well being.
Doing productive things instead of pleasant things also gives a feeling of well being.
Productivity and pleasure seldom go together.
Choosing productivity over pleasure requires discipline, smothering of senses.
Life, for the most part, has been a constant struggle for discipline.
Struggle for discipline is a losing war, bohemianism always return to claim its victory. For a 'progressive' human being, victory is never absolute.
Goal posts are always shifting.

Two hundred years ago man was born in a village, grew up, worked, married, bred, grew old and died in the same village. He would experience spring follow winter, summer follow spring, rains follow summer, winter follow rains, spring follow....., and so the cycle would go on. Since the man never went anywhere, he faced every season in its due time, without escape. Now man travels. During the same day he can travel 10000 kilometers. He can cheat seasons. He can follow summer wherever it went and never see winter at all. Also, he can stay for a while in a place where the winter is really severe and then move on to someplace where winter is like an offseason vegetable, a damp squib. Some people do it out of choice. Some may be forced to do it. I will not choose to do it, but I have been forced to and will in future continue to be forced. I don't like it, it leaves me confused.

I dislike confusion, makes me uncertain of my responses.
Women I like also make me uncertain of my responses.

There is an inexplicable restlessness. It arises out of the two facts. I should be doing certain things which I am not doing. Work, exercise, home calls. There are things that I have not done and the time to do them is gone for ever. So, life has entered a stage when, for the first time, things, things that matter, are no longer doable. Or, is it just a feeling I have, havng no great ability to see in to future and imagining oneself more bounded that one really is?

Having, explaind my inexplicable restlessness, I have contradicted myself. Something I do because I speak as I think, before my thought process reaches its logical conclusion.

I am confused, restless and hasty.