On Friday, I took a bus from Mumbai to Ahmedabad. I got stuck in a traffic jam on a highway which lasted for well over three hours and the entire journey took fifteen hours instead of the normal nine. It ended up being a complete pain.
However before it went all wrong and while there was till light, the scenery was beautiful. Immediately after one leaves Mumbai, the lush green forests of the tip of the western ghats are all around. It has been raining heavily all over western India over the last four-five days and the might and flow of the streams was awe inspiring and beautiful. Beautiful in the way all things in health are. And then there were mountains. For a man, who has lived in the plains all his life in one or another part of the country, mountains will always be a thing of beauty and joy. I saw the sea the same day. Not the same beauty, not the same joy. Not the same heartstrings.
On a completely different note, talk of two books. Catcher in the Rye is a book I read quite late in life. I mean its a book for seventeen year olds, I read it when I was twenty two. Could empathesize with it in a way that i hadnt with any other book. And I also knew why. It touched the romantic in me. The other book is Fountain Head. I know its the favorite of a large number of people, perhaps more than any other book. I think its again due to the simplistic romance of the book. I read the book, earlier than most people. I was in standard nine when i read the book and for almost four years it was my bible, koran and gita rolled into one. I must have read the book atleast seven to eight times. As I grew up I realized that the book was rather simplistic in its interpretation of reality. Or was i being suckered into life just like people like Peter keating?
Lastly, my reading, all my life has had no pattern and now almost no existence. Its dead.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Tough times
Emotionally things have always been difficult for me. A short fuse means that blow ups are frequent. However, mostly there's very little powder behind the fuse. I don't know what to do. Decision making despite all the education hasn't become any easier at all. And about the only place where things have been straight forward for me has been education. Of course, its no mean grace but human beings are greedy organisms.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
When I was truly angry
However anger does not mitigate the truisms in any way.
1. A girl might be interested in you, she will visit your orkut profile 4 days in a row, you can catch her looking at you n times if you two happen to live on the same campus but the image of mother Mary, all modesty and virgintiy, will never make a move. All right., you, being the guy- the initiator of the species, go upto her and say Hello or write a scrap. Now the lady would play all cool, cool and confident in the knowledge that the game has been poached.
2. Ok, now you are on talking terms with a girl. Good, excellent. No, far from it. You are a suspect for being a serial molester and rapist. So what if you have good credentials, an egineering degree from one of the best colleges in the country, are studying in the best b school in the country. All that is very good, but so what, you criminal. And then the same girls get conned by the most stupid of con artists and get filmed on MMS videos, half naked and sucking some dirty dick.
3. Still you trudge on, valiant idiot that you are. She gives you hints that she would want to meet you; never actually saying anything mind you. Was Mother Mary dumb? I do not know but her present day incarnations sure are, in more ways than one. At least when they should be saying something sensible. Otherwise everyone of them claims to be chatterbox and then subsequently go on to prove he claim. So what do you ? You ask her out, right. And will she agree on the first occasion? A fat chance she will. She will give you excuses that will make your neighbours blood boil. It is so humiliating to be considered gullible enough to fall for such sorry excuses for an excuse.Only if you entreat and cajole in ever innovative ways, around a thousand times approximately, is there any chance of her agreeing.
4. So, you meet, one, twice, thrice. You tend to believe in all the romantic movies you have watched and the romantic novels you have read and treat her accordingly. Caring and gentle and considerate. In return you will be treated like bovine excreta. There you go.
5. Two things. The only thing that Manmohan Singh couldn't liberalize is the mindset of Indian girl. No, not quite, I rather think that its a liberization exercise gone heavily wrong. So our girls have started dressing radically and want to romance. But they want to romance with a perfect hedge to guard against any downside. But like any other hedge, the upside goes with the downside or you pay upfront for the option to get the upside. So all the sponatniety, charm and romance goes out of the window and two young adults are left with trying to salvage what is essentially a 'nipped in the bud' relationship. Second, women want men to be caring and considerate. I think by caring and consideration, women mean the behaviour they exhibit when they see a cute puppy. At least, thats what I have felt womanly care and consideration to be. They have no conception of what true consideration is, of guaging the other person's thoughts and feelings and being careful not to trod upon them with fish toe heeled shoes. But, then again, dogs and puppies don't think. They are happy with women and women are happy with them.
1. A girl might be interested in you, she will visit your orkut profile 4 days in a row, you can catch her looking at you n times if you two happen to live on the same campus but the image of mother Mary, all modesty and virgintiy, will never make a move. All right., you, being the guy- the initiator of the species, go upto her and say Hello or write a scrap. Now the lady would play all cool, cool and confident in the knowledge that the game has been poached.
2. Ok, now you are on talking terms with a girl. Good, excellent. No, far from it. You are a suspect for being a serial molester and rapist. So what if you have good credentials, an egineering degree from one of the best colleges in the country, are studying in the best b school in the country. All that is very good, but so what, you criminal. And then the same girls get conned by the most stupid of con artists and get filmed on MMS videos, half naked and sucking some dirty dick.
3. Still you trudge on, valiant idiot that you are. She gives you hints that she would want to meet you; never actually saying anything mind you. Was Mother Mary dumb? I do not know but her present day incarnations sure are, in more ways than one. At least when they should be saying something sensible. Otherwise everyone of them claims to be chatterbox and then subsequently go on to prove he claim. So what do you ? You ask her out, right. And will she agree on the first occasion? A fat chance she will. She will give you excuses that will make your neighbours blood boil. It is so humiliating to be considered gullible enough to fall for such sorry excuses for an excuse.Only if you entreat and cajole in ever innovative ways, around a thousand times approximately, is there any chance of her agreeing.
4. So, you meet, one, twice, thrice. You tend to believe in all the romantic movies you have watched and the romantic novels you have read and treat her accordingly. Caring and gentle and considerate. In return you will be treated like bovine excreta. There you go.
5. Two things. The only thing that Manmohan Singh couldn't liberalize is the mindset of Indian girl. No, not quite, I rather think that its a liberization exercise gone heavily wrong. So our girls have started dressing radically and want to romance. But they want to romance with a perfect hedge to guard against any downside. But like any other hedge, the upside goes with the downside or you pay upfront for the option to get the upside. So all the sponatniety, charm and romance goes out of the window and two young adults are left with trying to salvage what is essentially a 'nipped in the bud' relationship. Second, women want men to be caring and considerate. I think by caring and consideration, women mean the behaviour they exhibit when they see a cute puppy. At least, thats what I have felt womanly care and consideration to be. They have no conception of what true consideration is, of guaging the other person's thoughts and feelings and being careful not to trod upon them with fish toe heeled shoes. But, then again, dogs and puppies don't think. They are happy with women and women are happy with them.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Monsoon is the best season in India. Summers are excrusiating, winters mild and unremarkable, while spring disappears before you can say spring. Monsoon defines India. The season has romance. The breeze is cool and strong, and rains are always welcome. Alas, this time around I haven't been able to enjoy monsoons at all due to my ankle injury. And to think of it, this might be my last monsoons for some time to come. What a thought! But other countries would have their own special seasons. South east Asia also has its monsoons. Can they also tug as strongly on the heart strings?
I have always suffered from a propensity to over analyze. Given sufficient time, i can analyze anything ad nauseam. Why? I don't know. Thats not a good enough answer though. May be because I don't like uncertainty.
Another thing, people don't believe me. The general perception is that there's always more about me than what meets the eye. I have no idea where this comes from. In the begiining, this aura of cleverness was mildy ego-boosting but now its become a crisis. The constant knowledge that people suspect that you are not being your true self is both amusing and worrisome. Amusing because its so far from truth. Worrisome because it clearly points to a personality trait, since so many people think the same, including my parents, I suspect. Add to it the fact that I, on mu part, am very gullible. Perfect combo.
I have always suffered from a propensity to over analyze. Given sufficient time, i can analyze anything ad nauseam. Why? I don't know. Thats not a good enough answer though. May be because I don't like uncertainty.
Another thing, people don't believe me. The general perception is that there's always more about me than what meets the eye. I have no idea where this comes from. In the begiining, this aura of cleverness was mildy ego-boosting but now its become a crisis. The constant knowledge that people suspect that you are not being your true self is both amusing and worrisome. Amusing because its so far from truth. Worrisome because it clearly points to a personality trait, since so many people think the same, including my parents, I suspect. Add to it the fact that I, on mu part, am very gullible. Perfect combo.
Monday, July 03, 2006
This is how my intro on orkut has changed over time:
December 9, 2004, 2:00 A.M. Like to live life in terms of experiences and not in terms of points to be reached and reached. Am at peace with my deficiencies and would like to believe that I have grown out of my insecurities. Like to look for beauty and sweetness in life and believe me the quest hasnt been very easy so far.
March 25, 2006: Floater has ceased to be a descriptor for me. Ambition is the flavour of the season. But then, growing older by the day, my creaky limbs and weak eyes seek rest.
Use orkut as a means of looking into other people's lives (through scraps and pics) without inconveniencing them.
July 3, 2006. I am experiencing hitherto undiscovered levels of listlessness. I fear I am stagnating.
December 9, 2004, 2:00 A.M. Like to live life in terms of experiences and not in terms of points to be reached and reached. Am at peace with my deficiencies and would like to believe that I have grown out of my insecurities. Like to look for beauty and sweetness in life and believe me the quest hasnt been very easy so far.
March 25, 2006: Floater has ceased to be a descriptor for me. Ambition is the flavour of the season. But then, growing older by the day, my creaky limbs and weak eyes seek rest.
Use orkut as a means of looking into other people's lives (through scraps and pics) without inconveniencing them.
July 3, 2006. I am experiencing hitherto undiscovered levels of listlessness. I fear I am stagnating.
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